Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
