im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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