If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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