Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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