well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
