oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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