Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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