never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
