You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
