what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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