So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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