mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
