the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
