Your dad touched me again.
Say something about gay babies.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
