he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
