I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
