did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
