me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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