I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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