Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
