shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
