I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
