how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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