Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize