i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize