you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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