hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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