i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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