Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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