based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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