After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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