he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
