Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
