Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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