I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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