Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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