So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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