i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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