Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
