He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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