He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize