Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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