Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
