U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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