I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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