We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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