dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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