If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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