No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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