Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need help removing her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
