this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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