Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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