He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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