im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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