yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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