The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
