i already hear my dad disowning me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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