the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
