this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
