Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
