I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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