Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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