Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please don't give away my fajitas
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
