She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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