apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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