We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
