she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize