Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I checked into jail on foursquare
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
