halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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