this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
