I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
